TotallyHonestJohn

Honestly He never had any demons Mal... if he's got them; then we have them in spades... when he told me the craic I was in tears laughing... bottom line was he was on "strong painkillers" and during lock-down he thought it would be a good idea to try a bit of the Scottish tipple; you know just to break the boredom... and unfortunately forgetting about the pills he was on! well the Rye and tablet mixture got him very (very) (very) drunk; and in this "Crissed as a Picket" state or "nissed as a pewt" (take your pick on terms) (https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Crissed as a picket) it was in this "Kaylied" state that he had the good idea to go for a jog (as you do); and because it was a warm night he thought he would take his kit off and put on his running gear; now this is where it got interesting; because although he thought he had put on his jogging kit he was in fact bollock naked; Now.... although most the neighbours saw the funny side of this (well all except one who chased him and threatened to cut his toggle off with a wooden sword) with one of the seven dwarfs running round as nature intended (Hairy Dwarf!!!! he didn't make the final cut for the film) the local constabulary were not impressed in the slightest so after a five mile run (told you he was looking fit) around the local manor they finally caught up with him and gave him bed and breakfast. Normally that's where the story would end but in disbelief our little hirsute friend said he didn't believe what had happened as he had no recollection of what he had done; so he thought it would be a good idea to repeat the experiment and lo and behold the same thing happened again... and off went hairy dwarf full of pills and whisky for a long jog round the Broomfield area and the local paper said when he went missing he was wearing grey/blue shorts and a black cycling top. Well that may have been what he went out in but in no time at all he was in back his birthday suit as nature intended and he was off running again; Only thing was he went further this time and it was some "considerable" time before the local plods caught up with him; again they were not impressed and gave him B&B status at the local police station. Once again "Wor Chris" who was now wondering why the local law enforcement agency were picking on him for going jogging... just couldn't understand for the life of him what the hell was going on and why he was getting lost on his jogging exploits and ending up in the local police station wearing clothes from the lost property box... and when it was explained to him what he was doing... well... he just wouldn't have it; no; not me he said; you are just making it up; I am out jogging and getting lost and coming in here for directions and you are locking me up for breaking lock-down... I will look into this... said our hero... So they gave him a ride home in one of their taxis with a blue light on the top and said enough is enough... Again any normal drunk would have believed what they were being told; but did our hero... not on your life... tenacious laal bollock if nothing else... where's that Scotch... I can drink me.... its never done this to me before said Plonky McPlonk Face definitely not appreciating that the pills were interacting wildly with the drink... So "Our Man Flint" the "Man of Steel" has a third go at this bottle of Scotch (now to be fair Mal I have drank with Chris in the past and his JD used to be 9/10ths Diet Coke; that's how lightweight he is; and as a southern softy it was usually a lager top with again a large pull on the lemonade) but fair play he was giving it a go for the third night running and KaPow... the concoction kicks in and "Gypsy Rose Lee Schramm" starts his usual escapade... strips down to his birthday suit and away... Yehaw... he is off running again; now this is where the plot thickens... the local plods turn up in numbers knowing where to find our man and shout at him; he turns and sees what is going on; he immediately stops running and calmly walks up to the policemen holding out his wrists for the fitting of the manacles... our friendly PC's say "what's up lad did you not fancy the chase tonight" and he said "Yes no problem I could out run you "Fat B's" no problem but when I seen those two Alsatians I thought better of it"... (coming to his senses I would say) So this is the third night running that our hero as "cocked a snoot" at the long arm of the law but as ever they got the last laugh... because they dragged a Doctor in and told the Doc what had happened the previous two nights and the Doctor sectioned him... (Oops) so he had to sit and explain to all and sundry for the next four days/three nights what had gone on... and of course the concoction he had in his system was well and truly washed through... Once they got to the bottom of what had actually went on they changed his Med's... and now would you believe it... Chris is tea total (Haha)... So Demon's nah.... Thick... Well... you make your mind up... but he's not the first to get ratted and do something stupid now is he; (how many times have you pooped your pants being seven shades to the wind? Honest now) and running round in the buff certainly doesn't make him a bad person in my book... In fact ask me old pal Cookie... But me Granny had a saying "Thick as mince in a bottle" and in this instance I think the cap definitely fits... But to be totally honest when he was telling me the story and doing all the actions in here the other day I'm sure a bit pee come out I was laughing so much. The rest of the office thought we were having a party and they were laughing at me laughing not knowing what the hell was going on... Funny funny funny... and what it is all about for me... good craic and being able to have a good laugh... (and for most folk having a few beers... But not for Chris because he is a very Naughty Boy who nearly had his Nachos ripped off by two Alsatians and is now tea total)... Happy days... I suppose the moral of the story is "No matter how bored you get try not to mix pills and Whisky" its like a dwarf with learning difficulties "its not big and its not clever" Regards THJ

Well had a visit today for a cuppa of our very own Chris Schramm.... He was looking well... still got that beaming smile and we had a good chat and a better laugh... He's doing well... keeping fit and busy.... and two hours went over in what seemed like 10 minutes... really pleased to see him and it brightened a crappy Monday... Regards THJ

Yep think you are spot on and again right as it was definitely frowned upon in the past... No back the one that has a dump... a kilo lighter definitely gives the hound an edge... No again but he did tell me that Elvis had left the building ... Regards THJ

Well it's not happening now apparently but the craic I got off a mate of a mate of a mate who works down the chip shop seems to have been correct... and honestly if I told you where the info actually had come from you would be astounded... in fact you wouldn't believe me... Never mind there will be a bit more speedway craic to discuss tomorrow as I am expecting a VIP for a cuppa tomorrow afternoon... Hopefully not as contentious or as hysteria forming as the last subject.. after all an NSSC statement on behalf of the promotion and a post on the club web site from the Promotion... you would think they didn't want anyone to discuss this subject and they were trying to put the issue to bed... conspiracy theory anyone... Regards THJ

https://newcastle-speedway.co.uk/latest-word-from-the-2020-diamonds/ Well there you go the dogs don't want to run on a Sunday... So safe for the moment... But old cynical here... let's wait and see... Regards THJ Oops didn't see Steve Park's post above... but it shows I am not the only one who had heard the rumour... in fact folk wouldn't believe who I heard ithe rumour off but never mind... that's spewed that little thread... let's see what the next topic is we can discuss....

First off its kept the Speedway banter going and secondly if it does happen you can say well the fat lad was right... and if it doesn't well it's filled a couple of pages where we have been in the limelight Regards THJ

Honestly I remember a few years back George English saying he had no loyalty to Brough Park and would move venues in the "change of a heartbeat" if the promotion at the time could get a suitable place to go to; but for whatever the reasons it never happened... It just shows the difficulty of finding a new venue should something untoward happen to the place we call home currently... Don't envy Rob Grants task in the slightest; he is coming up with good ideas to promote the sport in the area and wants to run junior sides and give the opportunity for practice which could all be stymied by a virus of all things... Also if what Lady s 2 states is correct and there is a potential for a move back to the old Monday night racing then brilliant bring it on if Sundays become difficult to run on; I would certainly be happy to support that, although I am not sure about everyone else's opinion on Mondays as I believe the earlier Sunday time was to benefit the adults who brought kids to the speedway and the later Monday times impinge on that especially being a school day... Although the good thing is it does mean there are other options... Regards THJ

It's been proposed... and the dog racing piped into the bookies is worth more cash to the owners of the stadium than the Speedway... although they don't have to take up the option it's would seem daft for them to turn down the revenue... Also it needs mentioning that there has been Sunday dogs and Speedway run in the past so it can be done... however Rob wants to run junior sides in the Saphires and the Gems and having a dog meeting on a Sunday will severely impinge on his vision and what he is trying to achieve So a Sunday dog meeting doesn't mean that the Speedway is on the verge of being evicted... however it would put obstacles in the way for a multitude of reasons... Regards THJ

To be fair Dave I don't know when, where or what was looked at in Cambois... I came across the dog track by accident and floated the idea on here... its a cracking site just in the wrong place... but one thing is for sure as Steve Park said it won't be easy getting a suitable site and the relevant permissions to develop it... I just hope the dogs don't go down the route of running Sunday meetings because it will make everything Rob is trying to achieve all that more difficult... Regards THJ

Chatting to Daryl Illingworth the other day and he said that the club had been offered a spot by North Tyneside council down by the Tyne Tunnel around 2010 but they did not have the funds or the wherewithal to take the offer up at the time so it was never acted upon... Think Cambois is just a tad to far north of the city and the public transport links are not very reliable; also what would be the back straight runs parallel to the railway line thus not giving any room for back straight viewing if the current dog track was to remain... its an ideal spot being out of the way and of a size that would suit a good track set up plus it is now just training track for the Greyhounds and no longer licensed for dog racing, however logistically it just falls a bit short... If that set up was in say Wallsend or North Shields it would be ideal... (but not Whitley Bay cos they are a bit "snobby" down there; Tsunami could tell us all about that! )... On the track share I think you would/could possibly get a special dispensation for a year if it was to allow for another facility to be built but I doubt you would get the sharing facility long term and to be fair I think it would be financial suicide even if like Cradley you shared with a team in a different league... If it does end up that the club are evicted to make room for Sunday dog racing or if the proposed racing restricts the track access time for preparation to short making a meeting impossible then where do you go is the burning question... there are not that many sites in excess of 10 to 12 acres not to close to housing where you would get complaints and where would the funds come from to build such a set up... Sites that readily spring to mind north of the river are Cramlington around the Nelson and Bassington Trading Estates; Barrington Trading Estate just outside Bedlington; the Tyne Tunnel approach road not far from the Tyne Tunnel Trading Estate and East Howden then out on the A69 by the Throckley Brick Works site and from there out towards Heddon all of which are away from housing and have enough land to fit a Redcar or Scunthorpe type of set up.... Then of course there is the other problem you mention in all the red tape and the big one which is where does the cash come from to fund the new venture... Doesn't make it easy does it... Regards THJ

Thing is is if we did go up the coast to Blyth would we have a name change... the Blyth Bombers or Baracudas or the Cambois Crusaders or Corinthians... or worse still the South Berwick Sodomites mmmmmmmlollololmmmm if ya know what a mean... Regards THJ

Dave ya still a townie at heart... you've just climbed off the sofa to fold ya Newcastle top up and put it away for the night after watching ya team win 4 1.... and now sitting reading this with your NUFC jimjams on and drinking ya horlics... and it's still north of where you are at... but you know what I mean... See Mal has just finished his shift... Regards THJ

Aye since the horse that delivered the milk has died the public transport stopped running as well.. a would say if you didn't have transport it will be an awkward spot to get to... Regards THJ

Gambling has taken off now there is something to watch... Like what you are proposing and I don't know what backing or clout Rob has but I would be happy to follow your lead on investing a few Bob into a new venue... Get on that Google thing and look at the Cambois dog track at Blyth... now a know Blyth is nearly Berwick to the townies like Tsunami but it looks half way there for development to me... Just a thought... Regards THJ

Not sure how long it would take to pull a Redcar or Scunthorpe type set up together... May be someone from those spots could throw some light on that... I would have thought it would be achievable to sort something basic out in a close season over a winter... Regards THJ

They are doing it because of the Covid carry on...they have lost revenue with the lock down... the bookies can't offer the volume of gambling opportuinities so this allows the gamblers (not only in this country but around the world) to get their fix... plus an empty stadium running televised dogs brings in more for the owners than the speedway rental... Feel sorry for Rob Grant as it's another kick in the nuts for him if they do go down this route... Regards THJ

Think foamfence is spot on with his reply... it's just that bit to far for the non diehards... if a new venue is needed the track would need to be 5 to 10 mile of where its at now I would say... No I was told the Sunday is in addition to what they already run... it's not instead of another day unfortunately... Regards THJ

So here goes... How attached are we to Brough Park... I have heard through some racing colleagues at High Gosforth Park that the dogs are contemplating running televised Sunday dog meetings at Brough Park to be beamed nationally into the high street bookies... now depending on what time these meetings run 11:00 to 14:00 hours; 12:00 to 15:00 hours or 13:00 to 16:00 hours depending on the bookies requirements this could have a major impact on the speedway... The track prep happens on a Sunday and they need all the time they can get... What will happen to the Gems and Sapphires as I believe they were going to be run before the main meeting... they would be looking very doubtful and would possibly need another venue... if we have bad weather the night before the "call offs" would be very early... As the dogs bring in much more revenue than the speedway it makes things very difficult for Rob as its all about cash these day... we have run in the past on a shared Sunday with the dogs but I believe it will be very difficult... So if Rob Grant was to come up with another venue how much of an issue would this be for people to move? Regards THJ

Honestly Me little pal from Workington has been through the mill one way and another lately and we still haven't been down to Shields yet for those fish and chips so I am open to sugestions... once we get a meeting to go to that is... Regards THJ

Honestly You haven't got any Austrian heritage in your family by any chance have you... Josef Fritzl not an uncle or cousin or something? Just askin like... ya parenting skills may be lacking somewhat!!! Locking up ones children is not the done thing these days gazzac... Oh and there are only 178 days to Christmas... Yeah... Regards THJ

Well if you haven't noticed it does come around every year and its only another 178 days before Santa comes down your chimney Unless you have been naughty gazzac then all you will get is a lump of coal... "Buddy the Elf" doesn't have a look in when it comes to Crimbo with THJ... I love it... I wish it could be Christmas every day... as Roy Wood once sang... Are you ready gazzac? (Yeah) When the snowman brings the snow Well he just might like to know He's put a great big smile on somebody's face If you jump into your bed Quickly cover up your head Don't you lock the doors You know that sweet Santa Clause is on the way Oh well I wish it could be Christmas everyday When the kids start singing and the band begins to play Oh I wish it could be Christmas everyday Let the bells ring out for Christmas When we're skating in the park If the snow cloud makes it dark Then your rosy cheeks are gonna light my merry way Now the frosty paws appear And they've frozen up my ear So we'll lie by the fire Till the sleet simply knocks 'em all the way Well I wish it could be Christmas everyday When the kids start singing and the band begins to play Oh I wish it could be Christmas every day So let the bells ring out for Christmas When the snow man brings the snow (when the snowman brings the snow) Well he just might like to know (he just might like to know) He's put a great big smile on somebody's face So if Santa brings that sleigh (Santa brings that sleigh) All along the milky way (along the milky way) I'll sign my name on the rooftop in the snow Then he may decide to stay Well I wish it could be Christmas everyday When the kids start singing and the band begins to play Oh I wish it could be Christmas everyday So let the bells ring out for Christmas Under your arms, check it! Oh well I wish it could be Christmas everyday When the kids start singing and the band begins to play Oh I wish it could be Christmas everyday Let the bells ring out for Christmas Why don't you give your love for Christmas Good old Crimbo you just cant beat it.... Its BRILLIANT... Regards THJ

Honestly End of the month so... Last one... Also the most intellectual... (if I say so myself) A Native American chief had three wives, each of whom were pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a tepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a tepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story tepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?" The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides." Now is that not clever? Speedway banter from tomorrow I promise and I will start with a bit of gossip which may not be well received... Stay well; stay safe and look after yourself... Regards THJ

Honestly End of June and nearly July... WOW... Longest day gone and darker nights are coming and only 179 days to Christmas... Where the hell has this year gone... an still no Speedway... Oh well 2nd last joke for your delight... In the great desert lived a bunch of nomads. Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank, due to his magnificent beard. His people believed a man's strength and courage came from his beard, and thus the man with the biggest beard was their chief. After leading the band for many years, Benny began to feel uncomfortable wearing a beard, especially in this hot and dusty land. So he decided that he wanted to shave it off, so he called his council together to get their advice. When he said he wanted to shave, the councilmen were shocked. One said, "Do you now remember the ancient legend, sire? The leader who removes his beard is cursed and made into a piece of earthenware." Benny had heard this legend, but being a modern man, he scoffed at the tale. Being headstrong, he went ahead and cut and scraped away his once magnificent beard. As the final whisker was cut off, a huge dust storm came up. It lasted only a few seconds, and when it cleared, there was a man-sized clay vessel where only moments before had stood their leader. The council then knew the legend must be true. Their conclusion? "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned." Boom Boom Regards THJ

Honestly Will we see some speedway this season? Who knows... Think the funnies can be curtailed at the end of the month as some serious movements in the sport may be on the horizon... There may be some interesting press releases coming soon as well from July onward... Here's hoping... Lets hope so but here is a Friday smile just to finish the week off There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy. Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere in the world they wanted, their tradition dictated that they stay on their tiny island home. Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders. He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth, and stay within traditional guidelines. After much consideration, the elders suggested he build a magnificent throne. When he objected there was not enough room in his hut for a throne, the elders suggested he call in an engineer to solve the problem. Soon, the king's tiny hut was rigged with an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys. He could lower the huge throne for use during the day, and at night, he could haul the throne up, and lower his bed. This was truly the best of both worlds for the king. Unfortunately, after a few months of constant use, the ropes frayed, and one night, the throne slipped and came crashing down on the king, killing him. The wise men of the island recognised a lesson in this experience and added to the lore of their people this statement: "People who live in grass houses should not stow thrones." Boom Boom (I know I'm sorry they get no better) Stay Well; Stay Safe; Socially Distance at all times and have a great weekend Regards THJ

Honestly I can remember a big refurbishment late 60s early 70s two stands... parking both sides of the stadium... fantastic facilities for food and drink... healthy four figure speedway crowds and the same for the Greyhound racing 14 to 16 bookies for the dogs with tic tac men both sides flashing the odds for the dogs across the track... a massive tote board that we used to stand under on bends 3 and 4 until one wet Monday night and I went home with my good clobber caked (probably my school gear) with wet shale and got a clip round the lug for coming home in such a mess... which resulted in me moving round to the starting tapes as you didn't want a second right hook of my old peg that's for sure... what I would give for a clip round the ear off the old girl now... miss her to bits... Happy days... Regards THJ Place is looking tired now though... not unlike many stadia around today...