A big crowd at Stoke last night, but those who stayed away missed another Speedway Extravanganza at the Stadium of Wonky Light.
A dodgy-awfully prepared track sent entertainment values soaring. If you blinked you might miss another faller. Stoke delivered on their aim to have fallers into double figures (10 at the last count). Where else in world speedway can you see 7 out of 15 heats awarded due to falls? Fantastic stuff. Why don't other clubs booby-trap the track in this way?
Stoke convincingly won 8 falls to 2, which excited the crowd so much that they lifted the roof off the grandstand (at least I presume that's why parts of the bar ceiling are falling in). But despite winning on falls, Stoke lost by 7 submissions and numerous knockouts (mostly knockout blows to the credibility of the sport).
Back to the beginning, Stoke started with a minute's silence for Roy Smallwood MBE (since he had worked at Stoke for over 40 years, an MBE seemed most insulting. He should have been given the George Cross for acts of heroism in extreme danger). I don't know if Roy was a good man or a bad man, but even if he is now in hell being tortured for all eternity, we can feel content that he is in a better place than Stoke. Roy was pictured in the programme in a 50s Teddy Boy suit. The picture was taken the last time the Stoke electrics didn't fail.
Despite being dead, Roy was still in the programme's officials' list as the Pits Gate Manager.
Then the announcer. It was his first time. Not just his first time announcing, but his first time at speedway (possibly his first time out of the house). He had no idea what was happening. Remember the taxi driver interviewed on BBC by mistake? It was far worse.
The poor sod tried to hand over to a centre green presenter, but the presenter had no microphone. So the confused newbie had to read out Belle Vue names he'd never heard of all by himself, such as Ken Dicken and Joe Lola. The hapless announcer must have thought he had been duped into the Jeremy Beadle show, except for the fact that Beadle has been dead for 10 years, and is now presumably working as the Stoke Pits Marshal.
Heat 1 and novice O'Keefe leads from the far better Clegg and Perry. He realises this is wrong and throws the bike at the fence to become first faller.
SUN BREAK
Heat 2 and O'Keefe becomes the first rider to cause an awarded race.
Heat 4. O'Keefe retires and Shuttleworth inspects the "shale" to give BV an awarded 5-0 (Shuttleworth's first of 3 track inspections).
SUN BREAK
Heat 5 All 4 riders finish. This is to be an extreme rare occurance.
Heat 7 Awarded again as the hungry Shuttleworth eats more "shale"
Heat 10. Alcock falls, and Clegg goes an unexplained splat while in a comfortable lead. Awarded 5-0
Heat 13 Smith is the first BV faller, trying to use the outside on the first bend. (You can't do that). In the re-run tired Shuttleworth needs a third lie down on the track. Awarded
Heat 14 Who else but O'Keefe falls. The ref puts on the red light and fuses the whole stadium. He's been over-using the red light. (Remember in the 70s when it got cold and you had to switch off the TV before you could put on the second bar of the electric fire, or else risk fusing the whole street? The City of Stoke still runs like this).
The referee is warned that he must not use the red lights again. To do so would damage the flux-capacitor, destroy the space-time continuum, and we'd all be stuck here in 1955 with Biff Tattum, and Roy Smallwood playing Johnny B Goode whilst dressed as Stoke's answer to Showaddywaady..... Shoddyshoddy.
The ref agrees that when the inevitable awarding of heat 15 happens, the race will be stopped by hand signals and the shouting of the moronic announcer, which will alert members of the track staff to wave red flags (the ones that are still alive anyway - Roy and Beadle are excused duty).
Heat 15 and an actual race develops between Atkin and Lawlor. Perry is a distance back in 3rd, Clegg further back stone last. Lawlor chases Atkin and just gets ahead up the back straight. Atkin faces being moved into the outer part of the 3rd bend track (here be dragons) and tries to resist. The two collide and the race needs to be awarded. (the 3rd awarded race in a row, 7th of the night). The Announcer then announces Perry (who was minding his own business back in third) is excluded. The win awarded to Max Clegg (who was stone last). The announcer returns minutes later (possibly with a referees hands around his throat) to change the exclusion to Lawlor...but still has the awarded places wrong. After a further few minutes it is changed again.
The MDL match is cancelled and everyone leaves, completely unsure on the final score or the final awarded decision of heat 15.
