Once upon a time, quite some time ago in a sleepy hamlet on the North East coast. There was a man, who was rich with a wealth of knowledge, and had lots patrons. Everyone got on great.
Anyway, after year's of bad winter weather and fending off the Vikings, decided to move up-stream and encroach on the Monks, who lived in a more popular area, The Quayside, where they had 'night clubs & kebab shops'. The Monks, not a volatile lot, didn't mind this and were quite happy with them.
This man and his patrons enjoyed the Quayside so much, they built a big house, just like a caslte, on the banks of the Tyne high above the river, then named the place 'Newcastle'. From this high up place, they could throw bits of old food and rubbish down to the poorer folk below, and by some strange co-incedence, this is how 'football' was invented. 'King Dave' of Newcastle, after dining on a suckling pig, threw its head from his turret and it hit a pauper on the head, and then landed in a bucket,,, as the pauper lay, moaning, a word like 'ggggooooaaaallll' came from him, while everyone was cheering and laughing. 'Football' was born. Everyone was so excited, they were playing this game all the time and other folk soon wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
While this mania was going on, the evil wizard 'White Lightning', from the parish of Sunderland, who had quite an association with 'Dave' from times when they had come together to fend the Vikings off, but did seem to still have a gripe with folk from Sweden, and other parts of the world. Fascinated with this game sent a pigeon to 'Dave' to see if they, the two different towns could get together, for old times sake, and play against each other. The game was such a success, its been played ever since. They call them 'Derbys', these games have fierce rivallry, with people shouting at each other and 'name calling' and sometimes folk end up hurt, the two manager's 'Dave and White Lightning' are often falling out with each other, but always find a way back.
In more recent time, more folk, from southern area's, like where the goverment are from, 'Southern Softies' have been getting involved with the game, but don't like the idea of people shouting and name calling,,, so they invented 'political correctness', where everyone should be nice to each other, but that doesn't seem to work either...