King Jamie

biggest popular myth in speedway. no referee has to exclude any rider at any point in time of any race. that said, had i been the ref on Friday, i would've done my emergency services impersonation and put the blue flashing light on. talking of Masters, memo to Smiley - when the young reserve gates on your outside, let him go. don't burst in front of him and leave him vulnerable. If Max stuffs up whilst in front, fair enough but it's your job to sit behind him and protect him (team sport and all that). it was Charles Wright in third, not Emil Sayfutdinov! some other observations: our performance was unacceptable. Somerset only had 2 and a half riders but they still won comfortably. must do better. what happened to the fireworks? not that i'm into that nonsense (they're just noisy colours at the end of the day) but, seriously, do we only use them when we win? thanks to Sedgy for stuffing my Golden Heats prediction. Brady Kurtz gave the worst performance from any visiting number 1 since last Friday. good to see Luke Chessell doesn't take after his Uncle (as a side note, is Robert Branford related to Pontus Aspgren?) still no apology from Starke... well done Somerset.

KJ’s meeting Preview... This week's visitors to sunny Armadale are the Somerset ‘average cheats’ Rebels in the second leg of the PL KO Cup Final. The tie is finely poised after Tuesday’s first leg with the West Country Wombles currently holding an 8 point lead. Scotland’s number one team and the Glastonbury protestors have dominated the PL scene in recent years, winning a plethora of trophies between them. Whilst we haggis bashers have relied mainly upon shrewd winter signings, the cider drinkers have endured a number of false starts, BSPA rejections and eventual redeclarations. Bill Bailey’s boys are never shy in axing any underperforming riders. Absolutely nothing wrong with that of course. However, the most bizarre sacking occurred earlier this year when Leigh Lanham received his P45 despite adding 2 points to his starting average. Needless to say some fans were a tad miffed. However, I can exclusively reveal the real reason as to why he was bulleted – apparently the Rebels’ Promotion couldn’t afford to keep installing mirrors throughout the stadium to allow the veteran to repeatedly check his hair. I was sitting in McDonald’s earlier this week (I love my diet) when Nigel Pearson’s PRO got in touch (editor’s note – don’t you mean his secretary?). She opened the conversation by saying, “I believe you’ve been trying to besmirch my boss’s good name” “Be-what hen?” “Besmirch. It means…” “Oh aye, right, keep going” “Mr Pearson is a lovely man. He enjoys his speedway and wishes no bad on any team, except if they’re racing against his beloved Cradley Heathens” Being the gentleman that I am, I was just about to retract my previous quotes when, in the background, I overheard a very interesting conversation... “I tell you Kelvin, I really dislike Edinburgh. I hope Somerset smash them.” “I um uh um yeah, I totally agree Nigel.” I immediately hung up in disgust. For the 2014 KO Cup winners, there’s a chance we may be back to full strength for this one. Both top reserve Max Clegg, who has missed the last 3 fixtures, and sunlounger grabber Wolbert, who grabbed a few too many rays back home in Deutschland at the weekend, could return after brief spells of physiotherapy. For the 2013 KO Cup winners, the October green sheets see Paul Starke move up into the top 5. Not that it weakens them at all, as Rasmus Jensen drops to reserve! The former has top scored for his side on their 2 previous trips to West Lothian. Will Friday see a Starke contrast? This week's big welcome goes to: a 2012 Monarch and a rider who, in my opinion, was wrongly released at the time – step forward Charles Wright. This week's 'popular yer baws!' award goes to: decent rider but I have to say Paul Starke’s interview technique leaves a lot to be desired. In the recent televised match at the OTA, he called the 2014 treble champions “these lot” not once but twice within the space of 30 seconds. Blatantly disrespectful. I recommend a full centre green apology on Friday night or face a public flogging. The Florenshafisztof Kaspitzanwinkelhoppen award for suave name of the week goes to: how can I possibly give it to anyone other than Josh thescrabbleplayer? This week’s Government Brainwash Bandwagon ‘value for money’ award goes to: some weird green mob who tried to get me to “invest” in solar panels. For an initial outlay of just £40,000, I can get the panels fitted (I’m sure my neighbours would be delighted) and receive a monthly payment in the region of £52.90. Wow. I’d have to live ‘til I’m 103 before I get my money back! (ed – the Somerset management have been in touch. According to their calculations, you’ll be fully reimbursed before you turn 60. They think you should go for it) I’ve just about had enough of these ‘wonderful’ offers. Please take a telling – I don’t do recycling, I don’t do energy saving lightbulbs, I don’t pay 5p for carrier bags. There’s no such thing as global warming, climate change or whatever they want to call it this week. It’s a myth. It’s nature. It’s cyclical. Now go away and leave me alone ya horrible, irrelevant bunch of pr1cks. This week’s big questions: Will the PL 4s Champions be in the stadium? Will Monarchs end Friday Justin front? And will there be any more refereeing errors? er, roll on Friday… KJ's prediction: 49-41. Monarchs to lose after 3 full rounds of Golden Heats. Mr Campbell to lock the gates and charge everyone £100 on the way out. Wages to be paid and all that…

KJ’s meeting Preview... This week's visitors to sunny Armadale are the soap dodging Tiggers from Glasgow in the first leg of the League Cup Final. Our billionaire friends from the West have recently returned from an all expenses paid, teambuilding trip to the Bahamas and have agreed to take time out from their extremely unhectic schedule to face us this week. For that we must be eternally grateful. In fact, we are so unworthy, we should probably just throw in the towel now. After all, that’s why we signed 2 Germans, isn’t it? It’s the first time the two sides have met in a national Cup Final for over 20 years and the Monarchs are offering a wide range of eye catching offers to mark the big occasion. For £48 you can sponsor a rider. For just £1,500 you can pay at the gate on Friday night. And for a bargain £3 million, you can buy the club lock, stock and barrel. You’ll also receive a complimentary, hand painted portrait of Mr Campbell, which you must hang over your fireplace or face possible assassination. The clash has certainly captured the imagination of major speedway celebrities. Eurosport co-commentator extraordinaire Sam Ermolenko called midweek and gave his comments: “Hey buddy, how goes it? Right, I’ll tell what will happen. Victor Pavolarry will control heat 2 and get his wheels in line on the back straightaway. And I expect Kevin Walford will be keen to yet again show Glasgow what he’s all about. I have to say though, I’m disappointed Michael Jesper Jensen and Mateusz Shipanski aren’t racing. Those dudes are box office man. I hope you guys have a fantastic evening. I’ve got great memories of Armadale. It’s definitely one of my favourite places in England.” Not to be outdone, Sky TV got in touch last night. Charlie Webster was desperate to find out how morale was in the home camp. Meanwhile, in the background, I overheard a very interesting conversation... “I tell you Kelvin, I really dislike Edinburgh. I hope Glasgow smash them.” “I um uh um yeah, I totally agree Nigel.” I was just about to hang up in disgust when Chris Louis suddenly took time off from drawing silly arrows on his iPad to say a few words. However, I’ve no idea what he said as I fell asleep 10 seconds later... For the 2014 treble champions, it’s a chance to gain revenge for the home defeat by the soap dodgers earlier in the season. However, it looks like they’ll have to do without top reserve Max Clegg, who suffered a hand injury at Birmingham on Wednesday night. On the positive side, Erik Riss has decided speedway is important this week, but only after it was announced the latest round of the World ice cream scooping Championships in Outer Mongolia had been postponed. Apparently it was discovered the Promoter was a coneman. For the 1993/94 ‘double double’ winners, Kake Nieminen makes a timely return from injury to strengthen the visitors even further than they have been all season. The great unwashed must go into this one as favourites following a campaign full of rule bending, dodgy transfers and big money splashing. Anything other than a Glasgow aggregate victory will be looked upon as failure. This week's big welcome goes to: none of them, they’re Weegies. (editor’s note – away, ya grumpy auld git. There’s no need for that attitude. Besides, your wee niece still has a soft spot for Aaron Summers. And he’s ex-Edinburgh. He must qualify for a welcome? Go on. You know you want to!) This week's 'popular yer baws!' award goes to: Kake the name changer. Your name’s Kake son. That’s Kake. Not Kauko. Kake. Thank you. The Florenshafisztof Kaspitzanwinkelhoppen award for suave name of the week goes to: Florenwhat? Who writes this p1sh? (ed – er, that’ll be you ya dafty. Hynek Stichauer’s parents will be devastated if you don’t give it to him, surely?) This week’s big questions: Will Victor be a victor? Will Monarchs end Friday Justin front? And who will be crying into their porridge on Sunday night? er, roll on Friday… KJ's prediction: 15-75

is that before or after the hoovering and ironing?

don't worry. i'm sure we'll arrange our PT visit before that period and our PL visit afterwards

glad you made it back unscathed young man have to say i had a really suave time too. excellent company, good banter, can't ask for more roll on 2010

right. that's my first Budweiser getting poured over yer head. keep going...

there are more fans pulling out than riders this year

that's it. i'm hiding you should make notes about them as people as well. see how much less complimentary they become once you've had a few

er, ahem...

you might be on the same train as me i get into Sheff at 1254. hope to be in the pub around 2ish at the latest?

my average is worse than Max Dilger er, coke please

how do you text an autograph?

sorry Sir, i wasn't actually referring to the Bordernapolis post

another wind up

by rights it should be (and normally is) your next in line... Jordan Frampton?

is that the place that doesn't take Scottish money? ...they will this year

that's handy

...apart from Ricky Ashworth of course

Mr Campbell said on the Chatzone... "1.00pm update at track. It remains dry and sunny at the track. There have been no call offs from the meeting. We already know that Max Dilger is in Edinburgh. Kevin Wolbert was at the track a short while ago and is now enjoying lunch in Armadale. Thomas is at Stansted awaiting his flight to Glasgow and will be at the stadium in plenty of time."

i used to do one for the Scottish Open but decided against it last year... you obviously didn't notice back next week for the visit of the superior Tiggers

only 20s? they must've cut the price after i punted on at 22/1

yes, very good...

just as an aside, if all riders were banned for a year, what are the clubs expected to do? sign a whole new team before their next meeting? or would any bans only kick in at the end of this season?

excellent meeting. thoroughly enjoyed it well done Russia. hats off